Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
