you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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