Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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