drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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