Do you still have your period?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
