Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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