Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
