ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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