If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
