a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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