Will you blow on my dice?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How does it feel to date your dad?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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