drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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