question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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