i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
