Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
