You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
