you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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