Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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