Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
