every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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