walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
