guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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