So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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