Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
