this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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