Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
