I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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