bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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