I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
