I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
