I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
