Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
