Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
