I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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