Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
