i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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