I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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