Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
