Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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