Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
