Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
