when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
