Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
