I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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