Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
