I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
