just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
