i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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