What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
