I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
