Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
