even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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