Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
