just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this will be a night to untag.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
