just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
