Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
