Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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