I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
