I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
