fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
