forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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