Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
