I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
