he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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