I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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