It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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