i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
