My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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