There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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