There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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