Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
