my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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