i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
