Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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