I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have demons in me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
