I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
