I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
